I've never felt the need to justify myself or my actions before. I always thought that either my decisions are too personal to be understood by others or comprehension escapes my interpreter because they're just plain stupid. Nonetheless, this past few weeks I have felt the need to explain my side on an issue that was supposed to be anything and everything but alive. See, a "friend" has been spreading rumors and accusations about me that are entirely baseless and often borders on the absurd. He's been going around behind my back telling me that I can not be trusted and that I am a "snake." I am glad that most of my friends dont believe him, but what pains me is that some of my other mates treat me cold and act indifferent when we are together. This whole drama was unfolding for more than two years now (behind my back) and I was only made aware of this a couple of months ago.

This issue traces its roots back from to our senior year in high school and doesn't even include my "friend" who is spreading rumors about me. How fuck up is that? Because of his ignorance and matrona-like talents of mouth blabbing I am seeing some of my closest and oldest friends turn their back on me and walk away -and when I ask them why, they give me some cooked up story stuff with bullcrap and cow dung. I can't for the life of me explain why people would do this kind of treachery to me. Especially if that someone -despite his flaws -was accepted into our house with brotherly affection and respect. You came into my house when you are in need, you came into my house when you are hungry, thirsty and wanting and I've never turned you down. My doors were always open for you because you are my friend and I value friendship above many others. But, despite this, you burned down my house and my trust. Just like what you did my Kakai, Jorge, Omar, Chao and all of the others that you have betrayed and coldly stabbed in the back.

Who do you think is the snake now?

It's sad -after everything that we've been thru our own love reduced us to a pair of fat, slobbery, pathetic sots. I remember the day when drinking was fun because it was shared with you. But now, drinking is an escape and cigarettes are fast company to sleep-deprive nights of mystic memories and saddened solitude. Mornings are no better because everything reminds me of you and you remind me of everything.

I passed by your house the other day and I got the chance to talk to your sister. She was watering the flowers in your mom’s garden. The same mosquito infested garden where we shared the first, most and even the last kiss and the threat of dengue is nothing more than an itch because it would mean sharing a hospitable room with you. Your sister told me that you left for Kansas two months ago, we both know about your leaving but somebody had to draw first blood and open the topic to investigate the stench of dead love. I grunted a "yes I know" and told her I forgave you the same day you left. She knows I am aware that she's fishing for pictures of my emotions. What she didn't know and what I didn't say is that I spent an afternoon forgiving you, but it would take me a lifetime to forget.

"This song is dedicated to the late Gian Carlo Peria: One stick sa gate pre!"





the fray - how to save a life

In the near future if you happen to see me wearing glasses, think of this post before the four eyes and cyclops jokes.

Most of you know by know I am taking summer classes or should I say, taking sucky-summer classes (Reading Improvement and Typing 11) and at night I spend my time playing starcraft (antique, I know...) and reading. I've read about five or six books this summer and I am about to start on my first Paulo Coelho. I think I've mentioned somewhere in this blog that I am avoiding all Paulo Coelho books because of their reputation as life changers. Unexpected changes no matter how exciting, scares the living crap out of me. Don't get me wrong, I can adapt, I just don't like the idea of adapting to conform to some people's view of the world. Anyways, back to more starcraft...

FYI:

My brain is throbbing right now... As in Lub-dub throbbing...


And my ex and I are texting again, I'm tempted to tell her that I still have feelings for her. But she just got out of a relationship and pride and tradition tells me I shouldn't go for it.

kung sinong ex yun, abangan sa susunod na kabanata. hehehehe...

Back in the days when Eat Bulaga was still cool and Wowowillie Revilame was still playing in some obscure band, I spent noons thinking you were the coolest thing to ever happen in my pathetic love life. Now, you're just another number in my friendster account. A statistic -if you'd call it that- in the 812 people I know or claim to know... Funny how life turns us around with one book or one simple-minded act. I bet you have no idea how crummy your standing is on my list right now, do you?

PS:

If you're reading this, then don't worry. this is not for you... This is intended for someone who doesn't know this blog exist. hehehe...

Either lie to me and tell me that you miss me or just kick my ass and lets get this shit over with...

Rainy days and mondays never get me down, I've learned enough about that to the point that effects are second concerns only compared to emotions. But memories can sure kick my ass, especially in the hours before sleeping. Unintentionally I slip and slide towards memories that never where and will never be before I go to bed.

So, I am sorry for the early morning messages of gloom. hehehe....

Missing someone is relative to the distance and time zone difference between the two said persons.

Beat that with another Lame E=MC2 equation Einstein...

I sat down with the thought of making a lame April's Fool post -as dictated by blog tradition but as I was booting up the PC, my mom called me into the sala and asked me to move the fan for her. As I was doing this, I noticed that my moms tummy was peeking from under her shirt, so I took the chance and snuggled up to her and started tickling her. (It's sort of a family ritual to tickle my mom whenever we have the chance. HEhehe...) In between fits of laughter and wiping of tears she took my hand and asked me if I wanted to see the stitches she got from her C-sec (Ceasarian Section), which unfortunately she got while giving birth to moi. I've seen it before and under circumstances of guilt that even now I have a hard time trying to fathom. Moving on, she showed it to me and started reminiscing about how hard it was giving birth to me and how long she had to struggle just so I'd be alive today and then we got to the part of how hard it is to rear an "angelic" kid like me which also included a small mental photo montage of all my high school and collegiate escapades.

That's when I thought, "jeez women give life to men and they subsequently drive us mad and rip our hearts out from inside us." and that includes my dear old mom... Am telling you, women are the ultimate everything ang the ultimate reason for nothing...

The world is tie-dyed and colorful.