Before I sat down and started composing this post, I was tiding up my room with reruns of Oprah on Studio 23 on TV to fill the monotony of doing household chores. A segment of theirs reminded of an unfinished night (and a hundred other nights), which was more or less already buried deep within the clutter of my summer of 2009 life -or so I thought it was.

It was a night like any other, except on that night we were spending one of our precious, stolen moments together. My day was hectic and my eyes were heavy because of it, but I was trying my very best to stay awake because, as I said, nights with her are precious, stolen moments and I for one don't want to miss any second when I am with her. She was playfully scolding me to go to sleep because she knows I had a long day and I was tired. God, knows I was fading in and out of sleep but still I stubbornly fought it. I wanted to milk the love out of every moment back then and sometimes I still wish I could. We were still cuddling when I fell asleep.


"And I know that only time will tell us how
To carry on without each other

So keep me awake to memorize you
Give me more time to feel this way
We can't stay like this forever
But I can have you next to me today"
-Josh Groban (Awake)


A couple of hours later I stirred and felt her in my arms -the same way I left her before I dozed off to dreamland. She felt me wake and slowly gazed up and gave me a knowing smile and a full good morning/I Love You kiss. Suddenly, I feared the day I'd lose her, a day that I knew would eventually come because it wasn't just our precious moments that are stolen; the both of us are on borrowed time and she wasn't exactly what you would call mine. We were what you would call victims of circumstances. Time wasn't really our friend and love always came a day late and a dollar short for us.


"How do I get back there, to the place where I fell asleep inside you...
...When I'm with you I feel like I could die
And that would be all right, all right "
-Third Eye Blind (Semi-Charmed Life)


Need less to say, now, I am standing in the midst of the aftermath of our romantic dead end, I still can't completely come to terms with why fate had to be so cruel as to always deal us with useless cards -A Queen that could use a pair of hearts, a King who only has diamonds in his eyes and a Jack asking for one more night, one more kiss, one more of everything or anything- and why of all people am I always handed the short-end of the stick. But still, looking back before I came in I always knew that she would never be mine and that the best we could get from this spin on romance's roulette table is either a broken heart or two broken hearts.


"I'm learning to live without you now
But I miss you sometimes
The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I knew, I'm learning again"
-Don Henley (Heart of the Matter)


When I said I love her, I really did and maybe now I still do. but we are moving on as we should but that doesn't mean that I don't miss her.


"Tonight, across the light-years of your absence,
The silence in this room is made palpable
By the rasping of amorous lizards on the wall"
-Prof. Anthony Tan (Letter to Ling)